I can't stop loving you
by BadgebunnyUK
Summary: AU- What if Delia hadn't been offered a place at Nonnatus? (Thank goodness she has!) Title from a Ray Charles song from around the time. My first CTM fic. Probably two parts only.
1. Chapter 1

AN- My first CTM fanfic. Just a little obsessed with these ladies at the moment. I know, I'm a fangirl ho! I will be finishing my LTIH fic asap, however my laptop got a virus and I lost some files. Think this will be two parts.

Part 1

Patsy turned her trusty metal steed into the final corner before home. Home. She had thought of Nonnatus as home for quite some time now and here she was preparing to leave it behind. Still, without Barbara and Trixie it had lost some of the appeal it once held. The new girls were fine but it wasn't the same.

A sight caught Patsy's eye which she was sure at first must have been an apparition belonging to her current recollections. The image of a dark haired figure, slim and smaller than herself, waiting in the shadows. Patsy never failed to look for her there but it had been an age since she had shown herself. Patsy squeezed the brakes sharply and came to an abrupt stop, slipping forward from her saddle and bouncing a little as she landed on the balls of her feet.

Patsy gasped as the image did not disappear as she had expected but became clearer as the woman stepped into the light from the street lamp.

"Hello Patsy." The voice she could not forget and that had not altered in her memory nor in reality.

Her appearance however was a little changed. The hair was shorter. A bob. The face itself perhaps a little more worn, unless her memory _had_ played tricks on her? It hadn't been that long after all. Though she felt that she too may have aged and on thinking so, hoped it didn't show.

"Delia." Patsy spoke finally. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't you know I would come?" Delia asked simply, taking a step closer.

Patsy glanced down at the bike, thankful that she had it, both to hold her up and to create a barrier between them.

"It's been a long time." She said pointlessly, unsure what else to say.

"Too long." Delia agreed. "Now hadn't you better change out of your uniform? We need to talk."

Xxx

"How did you find out?" Patsy asked as she cradled the large solid tumbler.

"Trixie." Delia informed. "She wrote to me, last week."

"Trixie did?!" Patsy checked. "Why would she?"

Delia shrugged it off. "Maybe she cares about you Pats? Maybe she knows you a lot better than you give her credit for?"

There was something new in Delia's tone. Something Patsy had never heard before, not like this, not in all their disappointments. A bitterness. It made Patsy wince a little before she collected herself. She took a long slug of her drink and played for time. The alcohol calming her slightly already.

"You stopped writing yourself ?" Delia reminded and questioned, her voice softening.

"Yes." Patsy acknowledged. Perhaps Delia had held onto the hope that somewhere a pile of letters had been mistakenly addressed and were waiting to be collected at a post office depot somewhere in the country. "I had too."

"And you stopped taking my calls." Delia recalled, only a hint of accusation, a bite of her lip.

"I told you Deels, I couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't good for me. Every time you called I was right back at the start, never getting over you, it wasn't fair to either of us." Patsy almost whispered this, leaning forward as she did so into dangerous territory.

Delia smiled a twisted smile and forced out her chin. "So now you are are you? Over me?"

"It's been more than a year." Patsy offered.

"That isn't an answer." Delia said, her eyes pushing at something in Patsy. Challenging her.

Patsy got up from the table and pushed back her chair as Delia frowned and shot a hand out, reaching across the table.

"I'm going to put some music on." Patsy told her. "I'll be back in a mo."

Patsy felt Delia's eyes follow her to the jukebox. It was so strange for them to be here together again and Patsy tried to banish memories of the two of them lent over this very machine, choosing tracks together, side by side, their fingers purposeful as they brushed each others, hands, waist, wrist, seemingly by accident.

Patsy was grateful that the jukebox itself had had a recent update, only a few of the songs they had enjoyed together remained and she steered well clear of those. Another minute and Patsy could put off returning to their table no longer.

"So…" Delia began, a slightly forced smile on her face but some of the old Delia shining through. " How is everyone? Trixie didn't say much in her letter, but I didn't recognise the return address. She's not at Nonnatus?"

Patsy shook her head, grateful for the return to chatter. "She's a surgeon's wife. Very respectable, but still her old self. He's really rather a nice chap. And Barbara married Tom in the end as we suspected she would."

Patsy took out a cigarette and looked to Delia as she lit it, half expecting the old disapproving glance or even a scolding. Delia managed not to say anything and looked away with a blush as she followed the journey of the offending item to Patsy's lips.

The door of the cafe opened and neither woman looked around, not until a person appeared at the edge of their table casting shadow over the scene.

"There you are darling! I knew I'd find you in this old place. I was supposed to pick you up at six sharp, don't you remember?" The gentleman held a hat between his hands and looked now briefly at Delia.

"Sorry for the interruption, awfully rude of me, it's just that my mother is expecting us. You must be…?" He glanced back to Patsy for a hint.

"Ed, this is a dear old friend of mine, Delia. We were at the London together." Patsy explained.

"Ah smashing, I bet you had a grand old time in those days, no nuns on guard, I had to win each one of them around before I stood a chance with Pats, didn't I darling?" He looked back to Patsy for her concurrence.

Patsy smiled simply and stubbed out her cigarette on the ashtray in the middle of the table, quickly getting up from her seat and snatching up her jacket.

"We better be off then." She said to Eddie. "It was nice to see you again Delia." She managed. "How long are you in London?"

"Oh, as long as it takes." Delia replied happily. "Don't worry, I'll see you again." She promised sweetly.

Patsy didn't know if she was relieved by the news or bloody irritated by the way that Delia seemed to be watching her in amusement as Ed bustled her out of the cafe.

"Jolly good to meet you!" He called as they parted.

Delia raised a hand in his direction but her eyes were locked with Patsy's.

Xxx

"Ah Nurse Mount." Nurse Crane announced on Patsy's entry to Nonnatus two evenings later. "Look who we have here! Nurse Bus… Delia!" Nurse Crane looked at the young woman as she checked herself in using the formal address and beamed at each girl in turn.

Patsy had been waiting for this since the last moment they met, expecting it and yet she was still taken aback at the sight of Delia sitting at the table, a cup of tea before her, as if she belonged, as if she had never left.

"You didn't mention she was back!" Chided Phyllis as Patsy took off her cloak and hat.

"Yes, it was something of a surprise." Patsy remarked, making her way to the kitchen area and the kettle, her back to Delia for a moment, so that she could take a breath, gather herself again.

"Oh and a pleasant one! It's been such a long time." Phyllis continued, clapping her hands together and shooting a puzzled glance at Patsy's lack of reaction.

As Patsy waited for the kettle to boil the phone rang and Nurse Crane sprang to attention. "I shall get that! You two must have so much to catch up on."

The moment Phyllis left the room, Delia stood and made her way to the kitchen and to Patsy. She placed her mug on the counter beside the taller woman, her hand a fraction of an inch from Patsy's waist. Patsy pushing back against the counter and sucking herself in, avoiding Delia's touch.

"I wouldn't mind another cup." Delia grinned. "I've been waiting a while."

Patsy turned and busied herself with the drinks, she'd had a tough shift and part of her desperately wanted to turn to Delia and pour it all out, let this woman make it alright, like she had many times before.

"I'm exhausted Deels." She admitted. "What's all this about?"

" You know what it's about Pats." Delia said, her hand taking Patsy's elbow and gently pulling her around to face her. "It's about us. You and me. I'm here to get you back."

Patsy looked hurriedly around the rooms, the doorways, heard the soft murmur of Phyllis on the phone. "You can't just do this to me Deels, not now, it isn't fair."

Delia spoke quietly, urgently. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner Pats, I am, but I'm here now. I was always going to find a way to be here, always."

"It's too late." Patsy told her bluntly, a tear rolling from the corner of her eye.

"It doesn't have to be. Trixie told me… she said I had one chance. " Delia had clasped her fingers around Patsy's wrist. "You have to give me a chance." She pleaded.

Footsteps sounded nearby and the latest nurse to join their family appeared at the door. She was a quiet little thing and Patsy was quite fond of her. The young woman took one look at Delia and Patsy, tears on Patsy's face and excused herself quickly and without fuss.

Xxx

Patsy had had no choice but to take Delia up to her room, she couldn't have everyone at Nonnatus House stumbling upon her in her current emotional state and they couldn't talk further, clear up this whole mess, with an audience.

Patsy placed herself on the foot of her bed and dabbed crossly at her blotchy face with a tissue. She hadn't cried in such a long time and she hated that she cried so easily now.

"Pats, he seems like a very nice man but honestly, you can't marry him, not really?" Delia was still standing, almost pacing the room.

"That is the plan." Patsy remarked coolly.

" Well plans change." Delia stated firmly.

"Why? Why would I put off a perfectly lovely man, who really cares for me, who loves me, who can give me a family, a future, who can take care of me. Why?" Patsy asked, knowing the answer. Having always known the answer.

Delia thumped down on the bed beside her and pushed a hand into Patsy's hair, her fingers grazed the scalp and Patsy's eyes closed as her lips parted, Delia touched her forehead to Patsy's until the redhead opened her eyes, a second after their eyes met Delia pressed her lips to Pasty's, slowly, pulling back only to lean in again and take just the bottom lip between her own.

Delia withdrew completely now and Patsy watched her intently, holding her breath.

"This is why." Delia said, her brow raising in questioning.

Xxx

Patsy hadn't seen Trixie and Barbara in weeks. With the different locations and work patterns they struggled to meet nearly as often as they would have liked. Patsy was looking forward to the evening and had decided she wouldn't even mention Delia, or Trixie's well meant meddling in the situation.

It turned out that she didn't need to mention it. As Patsy arrived at the busy coffee bar she was greeted by Trixie, Roger, Barbara and Tom, and a gentleman she had never set eyes on before was stood right beside a smiling Delia.

Trixie greeted she and Ed loudly as she saw them closing in and looked faux apologetically at Patsy, who was in full glare by now, as she introduced the extra couple.

"Ed, this is Delia and this is Joe, Joe works with Roger at the London and Delia…" Trixie began.

"Yes Delia's a nurse too! We met the other night, how nice…" Ed chirped up kindly.

Patsy was busy greeting Barbara and Tom and now moved on to acknowledge Delia and her date with a simple sufficient hello and a small uneasy smile.

The group made their way to a corner booth and squeezed in. It was lively here tonight and Patsy could hear the live music in the basement beneath. Patsy took the chance to examine the young man seated next to Delia, he had just said something close to her ear and Delia laughed genuinely. Patsy decided objectively that he was quite good looking, perhaps a couple of years younger than Ed, he had obviously taken some time over his appearance. Patsy wondered what Delia actually thought of him as she watched him again try and engage Delia in private conversation.

Roger had begun speaking to Tom about his new motor car, his favourite topic and Patsy offered to go and fetch drinks, being that it was so busy and they would probably never be served otherwise. Delia, who was positioned at the opposite end of the booth offered to help.

Delia pushed past a few standing patrons in an effort to keep up with Patsy as she made her way to the counter.

"What are you doing here?!" Patsy demanded as Delia reached her.

"Trixie invited me…" Delia began before Patsy erupted.

"And him?! A date! What exactly is that supposed to achieve?" Patsy hissed.

"I couldn't come alone with you all coupled up…" Delia explained reasonably.

"Then why come at all?" Patsy pouted petulantly.

"Pats? Don't be like that. I wanted to see you again. I needed to." Delia let her fingers brush Patsy's as they hung by her side and frowned as Patsy tore hers away instantly, shooting Delia a warning look.

"Are you jealous?" Delia grinned.

"This is not the time or place." Patsy informed.

"Well, I'm finished waiting for the right time and place Pats, I'm here now and so are you." Delia replied defiantly.

Patsy pursed her lips, refusing to look Delia in the eye and then lunged a little over the counter at the young woman passing behind. "Could we get some drinks!" She called impatiently.

Xxx

"Are you alright Patsy? You're a little quiet tonight." Barbara asked, interrupting the dark thoughts Patsy was having as Joe regaled the group with another comical story about the current matron.

"Yes, of course, I'm fine." Patsy felt a little guilty at the lie but she could hardly confide in her friend here or anywhere else for that matter. Patsy wondered what Barbara was even aware of when it came to her relationship with Delia. Trixie had clearly worked out more than Pasty had given her credit for, but how much she still was unsure and would she have shared that with Barbara?

"It's good to see Delia again isn't it?" Barbara asked happily. "I know the two of you had drifted apart and maybe there was some kind of falling out, but I always thought it was such a shame."

"Yes, it was." Patsy agreed sincerely.

The group finished their drinks and headed downstairs for a glimpse at the band. Trixie was first to pull Roger into the centre of the crowded room and in amongst other dancing couples. The others leant against the wall and watched for a few moments before Tom too had managed to coax Barbara onto the makeshift dance floor.

Ed wasn't much of a dancer, unless he had had a fair few drinks and then he wasn't much of a dancer. Patsy would normally get up with Trixie and Barbara to the faster numbers, she enjoyed the music. It was loud enough down here that she wouldn't be expected to make conversation and loud enough too that it could almost drown out her thoughts.

The song finished and people applauded as the band struck up their next tune, a more upbeat number.

"Dance with me Pats?" Delia called beside her suddenly.

Patsy scowled. "Absolutely not!"

Delia turned to Joe and told him. "We're off to the bathroom." As she took a hold of Patsy's hand and pulled her after her and across the room.

Patsy allowed herself to be dragged to the ladies and stood motionless at the sink as Delia examined herself in the mirror, waiting until the other two women in the room left.

"Why won't you dance with me?" Delia asked now. "Plenty of girls are dancing together."

"It isn't the same." Patsy argued. "I just can't here, with everyone, it would feel too dishonest."

Delia studied Patsy carefully for a moment. "What does that tell you then?" She demanded suddenly as she made to leave.

Patsy stopped her as she reached the door, a hand to her arm. "Hang on a minute Deels, you were the one that left. _You_ left _me_ and now you come swanning back into my life as if it's all so easy…"

"I didn't want to leave you!" Delia shot.

"But you did." Patsy repeated. "Perhaps you didn't want to stay quite as much as you let on."

"Who could blame me Patsy? You didn't beg me to stay, you didn't tell me you loved me, needed me, couldn't be without me. You never really told me how you felt. It was all me. You wanted me to give up my home to come here and snatch moments with you where we could. But I would have done it anyway, I still would, if you'd only really asked me to." Delia pulled away and pushed through the door into the noise of the cafe.

Patsy turned and made her way to the toilet cubicle sinking to the closed seat and allowing herself a quiet cry.

A minute or so later the outer door swung open and with the burst of music came Trixie's voice.

"Patsy?!" She called, her heels clacking on the tiles. "I know you're in here."

Patsy wiped her eyes carefully and stood and unlocked the door.

Trixie smiled sympathetically as she waited for Patsy to emerge and passed her a lit cigarette, which she accepted gratefully and without a word.

"This is all your fault." Patsy said miserably.

"You can thank me later." Trixie grinned, inhaling from her own cigarette, held between perfect pink nails.

"Really Trixie. What am I going to do?" Patsy moaned.

"You'll do what's best." Trixie nodded confidently. "But for now… let's dance!"

Xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Patsy did what she had always done, she dusted herself off and put on her brave face. Trixie nodded and followed her out of the ladies. Patsy's eyes immediately found Delia as they were want to do in any given situation, she had returned to her young doctor friend's side, looking visibly upset and it appeared, was being comforted.

Patsy felt a knot in her stomach as she watched Trixie move back into the throng of the dance floor. She had often wondered at Delia's outbursts and displays of emotion, part envious and part furious at her love for behaving as she did. She also knew that her own seeming indifference made Delia equally as annoyed. Patsy wondered what Delia was saying to her male companion, how exactly she was explaining away her tears. She felt shaken by a familiar fear, one that she had never been able to fully disconnect from her feelings for Delia.

The band announced a break and someone turned on the jukebox as they filed off stage. The music that played now was much more to Patsy's taste. The Ronettes "Be My Baby" blared from the large speaker and though some of the crowd dispersed, this only freed up room for the other dancers to twirl happily together.

Patsy tried not to look as Joe led Delia onto the dance floor, placing his hands on her waist as he took one of hers and popped it on his shoulder. For a moment they looked awkward and Patsy was pleased, Delia, still upset was looking at the floor. Then Joe spoke beside Delia's ear and her face was lit briefly by that old smile. Delia's eyes went to Patsy and Patsy looked quickly away, trying to focus on the words that Ed was saying to the young chap he had struck up a conversation with, still on the topic of his car.

Patsy glanced now it was safe, to see a much happier looking Delia, swaying in time to the music, her hand held in Joe's.

"Darling? I want to dance." She said now to Ed as he paused in conversation.

He looked surprised at the request but nodded and excused himself from his new acquaintance, as he took Patsy's hand and led her the few steps to the dance floor. Ed had knocked back enough drinks to be comfortable despite his lack of natural rhythm.

As they arrived and took position the song ended and the next one began. A slower more melancholy tune and couples moved more closely together. This was an older song, Patsy hadn't heard in awhile. The Skyliners, she recalled buying the record when she had been pining for Delia, just before her accident, what seemed an absolute age ago. Patsy put one hand to the back of Ed's neck, her fingers brushing his collar and the line of his short neat hair cut.

Ed pulled her in closely, one arm circling her waist. Patsy gazed over his shoulder and to the couple she watched across the floor. Joe held Delia in a slightly less intimate embrace and turned her around a little more, but Patsy felt what she knew was jealously burning hotly in her chest. She was glad to be pressed to Ed, for fear that others would see the fire.

"I don't have anything, since I don't have you…" The song played on.

"Are you quite alright old girl?" Ed mumbled as he tried to guide a stiffened Patsy a little.

"Yes, of course." Patsy assured automatically, making a conscious effort to try and loosen up somewhat. Her hand must have been digging quite painfully into Ed's shoulder now.

Joe moved he and Delia around and a little closer to Patsy, dipping her a little and grinning broadly as she giggled at him.

Patsy thought that if she were a man, now would be a good time to ask him to step outside and hit him on the nose.

"Since you walked out on me, in walked in misery and he's been here since then.." The singer lamented.

Patsy was now eye to eye with Delia again, another couple having drifted away from between them. Patsy's brow crinkled and she felt the spring of tears at the back of her eyes as she met Delia's searching gaze.

Patsy pulled away from Ed before the song finished.

"I'm sorry. I want to leave. I have a headache." She told him, already turning her back, racing from the dance floor and knowing that he followed.

Xxx

As Patsy hit the street and the cold night air she breathed deeply and felt her lungs fill, calming herself she held onto the breath.

"Patsy? You sure everything's alright?" Ed checked as he joined her.

"Yes. Just walk me home will you?" Patsy asked, linking onto the arm that Ed instantly proffered.

They strolled quietly, side by side until Ed asked.

"That friend of your's Delia, you hardly looked at her. The way Trixie spoke, the two of you were the best of friends." Ed pondered.

Patsy sighed, she didn't want to lie to Ed, they had always been brutally honest about things.

"We were. For a while, Delia knew me better than anyone. We had plans to live together and then…" Patsy stopped. Then what? "It's complicated. Delia ended up going back to Wales and I suppose I was upset about it."

"Was she the girl who had the accident? On your bike?" Ed remembered.

Patsy hadn't expected him to know the story, though she realised she had mentio

"But you kept in touch? You must be friends again now surely?" Ed reasoned.

"We didn't. I didn't expect to see her again, I really didn't." Patsy replied honestly.

They continued to walk arm in arm and as they neared home Ed patted Patsy on the hand.

"I think you just need to clear the air. She's staying at Trixie's place, you should go and talk to her." Ed recommend.

"Perhaps." Patsy replied vaguely.

"I know you won't be happy until you do." Ed said wisely.

Patsy smiled up at him and delivered a quick kiss to his cheek as they stopped outside Nonnatus.

"Goodnight." She called as she slipped away and inside, she couldn't linger tonight.

Xxx

"You're here, I wasn't sure…" Patsy had checked Trixie's shifts and she knew that Roger would be at work but she hadn't been sure that Delia would be here at all.

Delia opened the door wider to let Patsy in and they moved through to the sitting room.

"I'm sorry about last night, I didn't mean for you to rush off like that, I should have been the one to leave…" Delia began quickly, her arms folded across her middle.

"I couldn't stand seeing you with that ghastly boy, his hands all over you..." Patsy admitted honestly.

Delia tried to suppress her large grin. "He wasn't really, he was just trying to cheer me up."

"I came to clear the air a little. I don't want to have bad feeling between us Deels, it's the last thing I want." Patsy told her, opting not to sit but to stand in the doorway.

"You love him." Delia said suddenly, as if she spoke for Patsy, perhaps making it easier for them both.

"I do. I wouldn't have agreed to marry him otherwise." Patsy admitted.

Delia nodded several times, her eyes cast downward. "I didn't come to cause trouble Pats, but I'm not sorry I came. I needed to see you, to see for myself that you were happy."

"I am, I was, I think… I think I could be…" A tear slid silently over Patsy's cheek.

Delia couldn't stop herself from taking Patsy's hand as it reached to wipe away the tear, she pulled it quickly to her lips and kissed the knuckles.

Another tear was followed by more and Patsy let them flow now.

"What will you do?" Patsy asked, her voice thick and cracking.

"I'll go home for now." Delia replied. "I have a cousin in Birmingham, I may join her there. Closer to home, but far enough away." Delia joked through her own tears.

Patsy nodded and took a handkerchief from her purse, passing it to Delia first, who pressed it to her face with trembling hands. Patsy couldn't bare to see her shake and took the white cloth from between Delia's fingers, dabbing gently at the corner of eyes that watched her closely, She calmed at the simple, practical act and her lips curled to a smile as Delia's tears all but disappeared.

Delia reached up for the hand that hovered at her face and laced her fingers through Patsy's, pressing her lips to them again before pushing them away.

"I'll always love you Patsy." Delia vowed sweetly.

"And I you." Patsy agreed feeling the heavy truth of that settle on her chest so she felt she may never breathe again.

Xxx

A/N - Of course there shall be one final part. Thanks for reading. Xx


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- Final part of this fic. I am working on a new longer fic, coming soon.

"Trixie! How nice, what are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you." Patsy greeted as she filed out of the hall behind the last of the cubs.

Trixie had a way of looking at Patsy that made her feel sorry, made her regret the pretence. But they had both been so practiced at it for so long, they had understood and respected that in each other. In the past. Yet now Trixie was raising one carefully shaped brow.

"Really Nurse Mount? Can't we be frank with one another? Even now?" The blonde demanded with a pout.

"If you let me change, we could go somewhere." Patsy offered, her hands full of lengths of rope that the cubs had been tying various knots in.

Trixie nodded, reaching out a hand to take Patsy's clipboard from beneath her arm and helpfully escorting her back to Nonnatus.

Xxx

By the time Trixie had been greeted and had a full, well intentioned interrogation from each woman at Nonnatus, nun and nurse alike, Patsy had changed and been fully refreshed and rehydrated and it seemed pointless, going out to find somewhere to talk. The women of Nonnatus had each drifted away and Patsy simply offered to man the phone, leaving she and Trixie alone in the late evening peace of Nonnatus.

Trixie had relaxed somewhat and Patsy thought for a moment she may have been distracted completely from whatever it was she had wanted to speak to Patsy about. They were enjoying a smoke and another pot of tea whilst recounting a particular tale of one of the first births the pair had attended together, when suddenly Trixie stubbed out her cigarette impatiently, her eyes turning serious.

"Delia is at home packing you know? She claims to be going back to Wales tomorrow." The tone was accusatory.

Patsy turned her eyes away from Trixie for a moment. "So soon?"

"I know that you realise, I was the one who sent for her Patsy, aren't you going to ask me why?" Trixie challenged.

"I suppose you thought it would be nice for us all to meet up again." Patsy shrugged innocently.

Trixie sighed and her brows knitted together. "The reason I asked her to come was for you, for the two of you, I wanted to give you another chance to be together." Trixie watched Patsy carefully now and pushed a hand across the table, touching two fingers to Patsy's wrist.

"I know how you feel about Delia, I've known for a long time and I finally felt that I hadn't been a good friend to you before in not letting you know that. I should have told you then that it was alright, that you had my support, that you would always have my friendship. Perhaps that would have made a difference."

Patsy was touched, she stared at Trixie now, but she didn't know what to say.

"I was a little jealous at first, a little worried about losing you to her, silly I know and I didn't want to interfere, but it was wrong, I shouldn't have let you feel alone." Trixie finished, smiling somewhat shyly.

"Oh Trixie. It wasn't your fault, I was so determined that no one should ever know! I would have done anything to keep it secret and one can't really live like that… not forever." Patsy admitted sadly, taking Trixies hand in her own.

"So you're really going to let her leave?" Trixie asked, a hint of disapproval. "After all the trouble I've gone to?" Trixie's mischievous smile appeared.

"I'm soon to be married Trixie, I have given Ed my word and he is awfully good to me..." Patsy explained.

"I know that, Ed is a sweetheart!" Trixie interrupted.

'Then, even if I wanted to…" Patsy began.

"Do you? Do you want to?" Trixie demanded. "That's what it comes down to Patsy. It's not too late, but it very soon will be."

"If it were that simple…" Patsy shook her head helplessly.

Trixie straightened up again and took a breath as if about to say something she found uncomfortable.

"I know that with Ed… you haven't been intimate yet, you said you were waiting until you were married, which sounds incredibly old fashioned to me, it's the sixties after all, but I think I know why you've been putting it off."

Patsy straightened too, pulling away from Trixie somewhat, her expression Trixie stood and put her hand to Patsy's shoulder as she passed her and left.

Xxx

Patsy was seated by herself in a dark corner of the bar, she knew he wouldn't be too long, regular as clockwork, that was Ed. Patsy had smoked her throat sore over the last few days and now she drummed her fingers relentlessly on the wooden table top for want of something to do with her hands, other than light up another one.

Patsy smiled as the landlord gave her another glance, he knew who she was, she had been in here many times before with Ed but never alone, he was friendly with Ed and probably guessed that she was waiting for him.

Patsy drained the rest of her drink and felt its effects already, warming and slightly calming her erratic heart rate. Her eyes scanned the room and back to the door once again. She was probably still on the early side and she took hold of her cigarettes as a song she knew began to play. Dion - Runaround Sue, she smiled wryly to herself, the song didn't fit but the sentiment wasn't completely wide of the mark.

A moment later the door was thrown open and in strode Ed and one of his buddies, Simon. Ed slapped Simon on the back and laughed loudly at something his friend was saying to him as they approached the bar and ordered drinks. The landlord dipped his head and spoke in Ed's ear as he pushed his drink before him, whatever was said caused Ed to abruptly turn his head in Patsy's direction, before picking up his drink and hurrying over to her.

Ed was such a lively character, he was a world away from the poverty and suffering of many of her patients, he was from the world inhabited by men like her Father and often that gave Patsy a sense of home. She had never thought she would ever hurt him.

"Hello darling, what on earth are you doing here?" Ed asked with a surprised smile, he leant over the table and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"I'm sorry to spring myself on you like this Ed, but I needed to talk." Patsy explained.

"Tonight? Sounds serious." Ed remarked in jest, his expression changing as he saw the look on Patsy's face.

Ed sat quietly opposite her as he continued to watch the ashen features across from him.

"I think you ought to tell me what this is about Patience." He instructed in a tone she had never heard him use before, strictly serious.

It's amazing how much is often communicated without a single word, this was never more the case than when she and Delia had been together, but she couldn't allow herself to think of Delia now.

"I haven't been completely honest with you Ed, I'm sorry. I know how important it is to you, for us to be truthful…"

Ed was calm, as she had expected, merely the raise of one dark brow.

"I let you believe… when we spoke, you said you didn't understand what all the fuss was about, you never wanted a girl who would sit and make eyes at you… remember?" Patsy asked.

"Yes. That was why I chose you, you understand that Patsy." Ed replied, softening some.

"And I let you believe that I felt the same way. That I'd never... been in love." Patsy couldn't risk looking at him.

"So, now you're saying that you have?" Ed asked uncertainly.

Patsy nodded slowly. "Yes. Once, very much so." She hadn't realised what a relief it would be to let him know. How much it had cost her to keep it from him.

Ed took a swig from his glass and shrugged. "The chap obviously isn't around anymore…"

"That isn't really the point, is it?" Patsy interrupted. "What do you think it would be like, to be married to me?"

Ed leant back in his chair. "Much the same as things are now. I don't want anything to change. Neither of us do, we each have our own lives… you'll move into the house of course, but other than that…"

"Then why are we doing it?" Patsy asked suddenly.

"It's what one does, Mother adores you, the boys all agree you're a smasher! And I really do care for you Patsy, you know that." Ed saw things quite simply.

"I think you deserve more." Patsy told him. "A girl you'd be happy to change everything for."

Ed was silent for two or three long minutes. "And you?"

"I deserve that too." Patsy slid the engagement ring from her finger and pushed it across the table as she rose to leave.

Xxx

Patsy had suspected from the moment Trixie had casual informed her of Delia's departure arrangements that she would end up making this last minute mad dash to get to her before she left and now here she was, frantically pedalling around slow moving people and tutting at them impatiently, thank goodness she didn't have her uniform on.

Patsy abandoned the bike at the front of the terminal and hurried inside, glancing up at the huge clock face.

"Delia?!" Patsy called, she almost expected the figure to disappear or to turnaround and be someone else, she couldn't believe she was actually still here.

"Patsy!?" Delia replied even as she turned, dropping her case to the floor. "What are you doing here? I thought we'd said our goodbyes."

Patsy bit at her bottom lip. "I had something else to say."

Delia waited, the bus station was busy, people hurrying around them and paying them no attention.

Patsy moved towards Delia and picked up her bag, moving them out of everyone's way and into the doorway of what used to be a little florist kiosk.

"My bus will be here any minute…" Delia reminded.

"You once told me that I was better at coping with facades than you, do you remember?" Patsy asked.

Delia looked at the ground as she nodded, as if she had forgotten anything that had passed between them, even before her accident, in Delia's mind every memory of Patsy was crystal clear.

"I don't want that anymore. I can't do it…" Patsy admitted.

Patsy witnessed the moment when real hope rose again in Delia, her eyes shone with it and she smiled up at her.

"Do you mean?" Delia checked, her hand reaching for Patsy's and finding it trembling as much as her breath.

"I told Ed I can't marry him." Patsy confessed, placing her free hand over their clasped ones.

Delia squeezed Patsy's hand, but she waited for more.

"I don't know what to say Delia, except…" Patsy smiled at the memory, a Delia of the past helping her even now. "Don't disappear again, write to me, meet me again,

don't break the thread, let's pick up all the pieces, let's pick up where we left off." Patsy reeled off the words that Delia had once said to her. The promises they hadn't kept.

Delia threw her arms around Patsy's neck and buried her head there too. Patsy held them up, her hands wrapped around Delia's waist. She supposed they looked like any number of people who were parting or reuninting, family, friend's, she expected you would have to look rather closley to see the tell tale signs that they were lovers. Patsy found that at this moment in time, she didn't care.

"You could just say come back." Delia murmured, her lips level with Patsy's cheek.

"Come back." Patsy whispered. "Please Come back."

Delia pulled her face away to look Patsy in the eye. "Oh Pats, I'm not going anywhere!" She laughed.

Xxxx


End file.
